Progress: Bob Iger Announces That Disney’s Villains Will Now Be Openly Gay And Not Just Queer Coded
I think we can all agree that Disney has been on a roll lately. The new live-action Lion King can only be described as triumphant and with the Rise Of Skywalker set for release in December, movie-goers are on the edge of their seats. While we all know we can always count on Disney for family-friendly entertainment, political activists such as myself have looked to these dream-weavers in a state of jittery restlessness in the hopes that they will be able to navigate these fraught times and respond to the evils of our day with the pandering self-righteous moralizing that is the bread and butter of Social Justice. While at first I was concerned that Disney would shirk from its duty to produce media geared toward my sensibilities and prejudices, I am pleased to announce that when it comes to Progressive Politics™, the powerful media conglomerate is no slouch. In a major win for little girls everywhere Disney stripped Star Wars of the toxic masculinity which made the original trilogy such an appallingly abhorrent work. But that was not enough. I am very pleased to report that as of today, Disney has announced that all their villains will be openly gay and not just queer coded like they normally are.
It was only a matter of time. For decades Disney has signaled to audiences that the bad guys were homosexuals. Scar anyone? Even Terry Rossio, the screenwriter of Aladdin has even noted that he pictured in his head a gay man when he wrote Jafar, “I wanted someone with elegance”. Yet, despite these rather on the nose flourishes, sub-normal Disney fans have had to second guess themselves about whether our favorite mustache twirlers also gave mustache rides. No longer! Today Disney CEO Bob Iger made our dreams come true when he announced that all future Disney villains will be written as explicitly gay!
And they’re not bluffing! A new teaser from the next Aladdin film gave audiences a taste of things to come. In the scene Jafar, seated in a luxurious bath, speaks to his feathered underling as sinister music plays in the background. “Tell me, Iago, Would you consider the eating of snails to be moral and the eating of oysters to be immoral?” “No, master,” the parrot replies. “I see,” says Jafar smirking impishly “I suppose you are right. My taste includes oysters and snails”.
It’s. About. Time.
Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg, the first openly gay contender for the nation’s highest office, praised Disney’s decision to ham-fistedly portray all Disney villains as gay, stating “when I was growing up and discovery my own sexuality, it was always hard to find representations of people like me in the media. I always suspected Jafar was gay and I looked up to him. Now that I can be certain of it I feel truly represented and happy. This is truly a great day”
Wow. Representation FTW.
At Pride this year in San Francisco following a splendid float sponsored by Lockheed Martin, Jafar was seen marching with a rainbow flag in hand, flanked by Ursula, Hades and Captain Hook as the sorcerer belted out “The Power in Me”. One thing’s for sure: Jafar is living his best self. So get ready, the next Jafar will be out, evil and loving every minute of it.