First They Came For The Cosplayers: Only A United Front Of Total Dorks Can Defeat Fascism
Like many Americans I have been shocked by the rise of far-right movements across this nation. Emboldened by the election of Donald Trump, extremists have come out of the woodwork legitimized by the president’s hateful rhetoric. Culminating in the Unite the Right demonstration in Charlottesville, VA, white supremacist groups have continued to flex their muscles in demonstrations across the country provoking, sometimes violent, clashes with left-wing counter-demonstrators colloquially referred to as Antifa. Yesterday, I was there in Portland to witness the battle first-hand. What an inspiring display it was to see my fellow rag-tag misfits from DSA go toe-to-toe with the Proud Boys. DSA taught me that it’s okay to be weird.
First they came for the cosplayers and I did not speak up because I was not a cosplayer, then they came for the polyamorists and I did not speak up because I was not a polyamorist, then they came for the bronies and I did not speak up because I was not a brony, then they came for me and there was no one left to speak up. Never again. Following the election of Donald Trump, I decided to become politically active. Recognizing the urgent need for a United Front to defeat the far-right, myself and my fellow Warhammer 40k modelers immediately paid our dues and became active members in the Democratic Socialists of America. Since then, our chapter has grown exponentially, building close ties with our LARPer and Weeaboo comrades. Our project to form a working-class movement to overthrow capitalism has only gone from strength to the strength as we have incorporated Magic the Gathering players and D&D enthusiasts into our ranks. Now that we’ve become hegemonic in the tabletop gaming community, making inroads in the Labor Movement will be child’s play.
DSA has been a godsend! As a child I was diagnosed with selective mutism and fearful-avoidant attachment disorder so DSA has been a sanctuary for me. Our local Portland Oregon chapter has evolved into a judgement free zone where folks can discuss Manga and solidarity with like-minded comrades who also suffer from crippling social-anxiety. This year, after a great deal of self-criticism, I managed to overcome my phobias regarding public speaking and hold a teach-in on the films of Miyazaki Hayao. I owe it all to DSA. However, not all is well in America. During a DSA Model United Nations conference, we caught wind that the Proud Boys were coming to Portland to hold a demonstration. Not in our town! Needless, to say we readied ourselves for a street battle, arming ourselves to the teeth with the help of the LARPers.
Led by a Waluigi cosplayer, a socialist hero who evokes the memory of Ernst Thalman, we formed barricades on Southwest Terwilliger Boulevard. Our overweight comrades formed a phalanx as we prepared for the fascist onslaught. As the rightist thugs and their pig allies descended on our formation, I took a puff from my inhaler and reached for a Molotov cocktail I kept in my Linux themed pocket protector. Our fascist foes didn’t stand a chance as our overweight brothers and sisters belly flopped directly on top of them and Waluigi brutally curb-stomped a Proud Boy. As our class-enemies retreated with their tails between their legs they were outflanked by crack Antifa reinforcements from DSA Robotics Club Caucus and DSA Ham Radio Club Caucus.
It was glorious. Surely, the fash will think twice the next time they come to our city. Yesterday proved that if we come together, we can accomplish anything. DSA is a shining light beckoning toward the future success of the international socialist movement.
Nerds of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your virginity.