5 Essential Camping Tips
1. Remember to tip your park ranger
These are trained professionals we’re talking about. Be courteous. If you were to be trampled to death by a moose or some other large, moose-like animal they would be the one to dispose of your remains. This is something they do every day, so give them something for their troubles. It’s not just polite, it’s the law.
2. Don’t sleep in bodies of water
It seems tempting, but unless you are a senior citizen or have gills, this is probably something you want to avoid. We know, we know, at home you are used to sleeping in a tank full of luke-warm water, but this is the great outdoors! You’re supposed to be roughing it, remember? Besides, snoozing without your anti-drown sleep harness is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. Safety comes first. Don’t sleep in a lake.
3. Don’t talk to those friendly looking hippies
You hear a lot of coughing and sputtering coming from the next camp site over. You walk close to investigate and smell smoke-with an odor you don’t recognize- billowing from their tent. Naturally your first instinct is to try and help. Think again. They may seem nice with their hackey-sack and Grateful Dead music, but these freewheeling American Gypsy swindlers will take your wallet and cut your throat faster than you can say “good vibrations”.
4. Don’t follow a bear into its cave to retrieve stolen food
Bears may look smart, but they’re a lot stupider than we usually give them credit for. Case in point: they steal food they should know damn well does not belong to them. Regardless, chasing a bear into its den to recover your prosciutto sandwich is a fools errand. Bears, especially mother bears, are extremely territorial and become very aggressive when they feel their eggs are threatened. If you absolutely must recover your sandwich, consider buying a bear whistle. Bear whistles operate at a frequency highly distasteful to most bears and just might incapacitate them long enough for you to recover your sandwich unscathed. Bear whistles can be purchased at most sporting goods stores.
5. Take advantage of the free Wifi!
This is the 21st century after all, and most national parks by now have free Wifi. Who says you have to do without all the comforts of home? Thoreau didn’t think so and neither should you. If you are unsure how to access the internet, have no fears. The Wifi password should be carved into most of the trees in the park. Let’s be honest, nothing beats curling up in front of a roaring fire watching your favorite series on Netflix. Just don’t binge!