A Russian Puppet? Trump Signs Executive Order Legalizing Krokodil
In a new low for the Cheeto-in-chief, “Cadet Born Spurs” Donald J. Trump signed an executive order legalizing krokodil, Russia’s number one export.
Progressive, non-racist members of the Resistance ™ must remain ever-vigilant concerning the machinations of Cadet Bone Spurs, or as the Ruskies would say Kaдet Bone Spurs. The orange one truly outdid himself in an act of wanton evil by selling out this great country to the subhuman Mongol multitude led by the Great Khan Vladimir Putin. Putin and his tatterdemalion hordes of lusty Asiatics are surely toasting one another in their tents as we speak. Drinking deeply from bowls containing fermented horse milk and feasting on charred meats as slave girls dance for their amusement, the barbarians in the Kremlin are having a laugh as they once again succeed in putting one over on American Democracy with the help of the pawn they installed in power. With the stroke of a pen, President Drumpf legalized Desomorphine and invited destruction on the shining city on a hill by opening our ports to Putin’s poison. THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE!
The dangers of the morphine analogue are well known. Synthesized from a combination of codeine and motor oil, Desmorphine—street name krokodil— has already wreaked death and destruction on Putin’s Soviet Union as Rachel Maddow has detailed in her unflagging and riveting nightly reports. The depravity of a nation gripped by opioid consumption is well-documented. As the Russian case clearly demonstrates, wherever krokodil takes root the vices of bestiality and cannibalism soon follow. In Russia life is cheap, but an innocent nation like ours with no experience of rampant opioid addiction will be brought to its knees if the mango Mussolini is to have his way.
Krokodil is also known to cause aggression. In recent years we have seen Russia, the Slavic Beast from the East, undertake adventurist and imperialist interventions first in Ukraine and then in Syria. Krokodil was probably behind Russia’s blood lust and no doubt influenced its decision to intervene in sovereign nations, something our country has never done and could never do. We must fear the siren song of krokodil and its potential to lead us to lose blood and treasure in an unnecessary war of choice, a development that would be without precedent in the context of American history.
While the constitution demands that a president credibly accused of high crimes and misdemeanors be removed from office, Nancy Pelosi is entirely correct to stymie impeachment efforts even though the chief executive is a known criminal and even a traitor. History shows that attempts at impeachment only backfire. Sure, the Republicans won the 2000 election after impeaching Bill Clinton, but they lost the popular vote, which is the only thing that matters. If Democrats want to put a stop to Drumpf and his blatant criminality they will have to focus their attention on the 2020 election. If we want to stop krokodil from flooding our streets, we must all line up behind Joe Biden.
Like Hillary Clinton, Biden represents the moderate wing of the Democratic Party and therefore has the best chance of winning the election. As we know, Hillary Clinton was the perfect candidate to beat Trump; after all, the most qualified candidate in history won the popular vote and would have won the presidency were it not for Russian interference. In much the same way, Joe Biden is proving himself to be a formidable candidate. What is so great about Biden is that he that he doesn’t get bogged down in ambitious policy proposals because all that matters is defeating Trump and once Trump is out of office, things will be back to normal and nothing will be wrong. Biden has the courage to say that as president he will do nothing because nothing needs to be done because nothing is wrong with America (except Trump). If Trump and krokodil are to be defeated the DNC must engage in all manner of chicanery and corruption in order to defeat left-wing fringe candidates. Biden is our only hope to restore the spiritual and moral torpor which makes America the greatest country on this Earth.