Boomers To Rule In Perpetuity As Fountain Of Youth Discovered At Chicago House Of Blues Salad Bar
The generational cohort known as the Baby Boomers uncovered the key to immortality today after discovering the fabled fountain of youth near the Chicago House of Blues Salad Bar, sources say. Upon discovery of the curative waters, the post Word War II generation swiftly implemented measures to ensure continued dominion over the four corners of the globe until the end of time.
“The ayes have it,” announced Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi tabling a motion on climate change. “All in favor of HR 223 concerning eternal world domination by Boomers”. The chamber then voted overwhelmingly in favor of the motion in an inspiring show of patriotism and bipartisanship. “The motion is carried,” the 79-year-old speaker declared as she banged her gavel.
Explorers and conquistadors have long sought the allusive fountain of youth first conjectured by Spanish historian Gonzalo Fernandez de Oviedo in his História General y Natural de las Indias. That quest led a generation of “seekers” to the music venue and restaurant partially owned by Dan Akroyd and James Belushi. Today the search for the fountain is over. Standing before the entrance to the fountain, Ponce de Leon guided a group of aging, ornery tourists to the waters as they loaded up on bread sticks.