Toxic Masculinity: Problematic Water Commissar Nikolai Yezhov Is Totally Canceled, Yo!
Yas Queen! Today the Supreme Soviet announced that creepy “irony bro” Nikolai Yezhov has been shot in the back of the head in the Lubyanka basement and buried in a mass grave.
Faith in humanity restored!
The Supreme Soviet deserves mad props for this epic clapback and for calling out the problematic water commissar for his shitty behavior. Not only did Yezhov shield Genrikh Lyushkov from persecution during his tenure at the NKVD, but he had the temerity to question Soviet water transport policy in his galaxy-brained twitter thread entitled “On The Water Question”. Stanning for known traitors is bad enough, but Yezhov truly went too far when he took it upon himself to mansplain Soviet water transport policy.
While the final season of Game of Thrones was disappointing at best, I think we can all agree that the verdict in the Yezhov Trial did not disappoint. I have been watching the Chairman of the Military Collegium in action for weeks now and all I can say is this: that show trial was lit, fam! Throughout its incredible run, the judicial inquiry broke new ground in the execution of Soviet laws while also providing ample fan service. Above all, Vasili Ulrikh proved himself to be a total badass and never failed to put Yezhov in his place for his uniquely poisonous brand of toxic masculinity. He had receipts.
From day one, the contemptible rightist Yezhov showed his true colors in shocking displays which betrayed his atavistic adherence to gender normativity. First, Yezhov —the worm—callously misgendered the People’s Commissar for Justice by failing to address the minister by his preferred pronouns. Adding insult to injury, the traitor Yezhov engaged in gaslighting by professing his innocence to the end, an equally insidious microaggression on its own. Ulrikh wasted no time in dispensing swift justice on this “enemy of the people” as he laid down the ultimate penalty. Slay queen!
Woke Male Ally Lavrentiy Beria is also to be commended for his handling of the matter. It goes without saying that the NKVD is in good hands and internal security within the USSR is assured. Everyone can agree that the head of the secret police has “big dick energy”. While my twitter is not much to look at (I mainly post pictures of my cat and cupcakes I make), I can say that I wouldn’t mind the Georgian sliding into my DMs.
Above all, Comrade Stalin deserves special praise for his steadfast leadership of the worker’s paradise we call the Soviet Union. It is said that the General Secretary never sleeps and works throughout the night out of his love and concern for working people around the globe. I, for one, believe it. We must all thank Comrade Stalin every day for bestowing on us a justice system that is the envy of the world! Surely, we can all agree that our fearless captain is leading us from victory to victory. Comrade Stalin is TOTALLY Dumbledore!