Junior High School Debate Team Cuts Ben Shapiro Following Poor Performance On BBC
Members of the Walter Reed Junior High School Debate Club have unanimously voted to expel Ben Shapiro following his disastrous performance during an interview on BBC Politics Live. Eighth grader Mike Kaminsky, the treasurer of the Los Angeles area middle school’s debate society called Shapiro’s display “an embarrassment” and dismissed the 35-year-old conservative pundit as a “total chode,” sources say.
“I wasn’t really cool about letting Ben join the club because he’s kind of a dork,” Kaminskey told reporters, “but, we gave him a chance because my friend TJ said he could completely destroy his debate opponents with facts and logic. At first we were impressed when he totally pwned some fifth-grade newbs, but we noticed that he shits the bed when he has to argue with someone his own age. After watching him spaz on the BBC we decided that was the last straw and booted him from the club”.
Mr. Esposito, the teacher adviser for the debate club, disagreed with the decision calling it “harsh”. “Children can be so cruel,” Esposito said, “little Ben Shapiro is a bright, hard-working, young boy. Kids tend to pick on him because of his girlish voice and scrawny build. Yes, he’s a bit of a late-bloomer, but teachers find him to be a joy. He’s always complimenting us and asking if we can assign extra homework assignments”. Esposito added that while no one wants Shapiro on their sports teams he is “a good kid”.
Not everyone agrees with Mr. Esposito’s glowing remarks. Critics call Shapiro’s views extreme and consider the pundit a gateway to the alt-right. Alexandre Bissonnette, the perpetrator of the 2017 Quebec City Mosque Shooting reportedly frequented Shapiro’s twitter feed prior to the attack. What’s more, classmates allege that during sixth period gym class his pants fell down while hanging from the rings. Witnesses report that his genitals were undeveloped and lacked pubic hair. Chandler, the school bully, shouted out “Bald Eagle” to uproarious laughter in a traumatic and humiliating incident that will haunt Shapiro for the rest of his life.
Shapiro could not be reached for comment. Following his expulsion from the debate club classmates witnessed the pundit seated alone on a seesaw wearing a propeller beanie, crying his little eyes out.