Vietnam Surrenders To US After Listening To Meghan McCain’s Voice For Five Minutes
The Socialist Republic of Vietnam surrendered unconditionally to the United States this morning after citizens listened to Meghan McCain’s voice for five minutes, sources say. Nguyen Phu Trong, the Vietnamese head of State and General Secretary of the Communist Party, announced today that the Southeast Asian nation could not endure the “sheer torture” of listening to Megan McCain’s “idiotic opinions”.
“Our position is untenable,” Trong told the Vietnamese people in a nationwide broadcast announcing total capitulation. “Meghan McCain is just too unbearable. Despite the bravery of the Vietnam People’s Army and the solidarity of our citizens, we cannot hold out any longer. Therefore, effective noon tomorrow, we will lay down our guns and open our nation fully to American business concerns”.
The declaration of surrender was welcomed by a war-weary nation. Following Disney Media Network’s decision to broadcast the ABC program “the View” in Vietnam, horrified citizens flung themselves from their windows while Buddhist monks immolated themselves upon hearing Meghan McCain’s self-righteous and insipid commentary on American life. Pham Van Duc, a Hanoi shopkeeper, told reporters that surrender could not have come a moment too soon.
“We have endured all manner of crimes perpetrated by the Yankee imperialists. We have endured carpet-bombing, we have endured napalm, but nothing could have prepared us for Meghan McCain’s stupidity. In a mere five minutes she succeeded in doing what her father never could: she brought a nation to its knees”.
Li Thi Lam, a school-teacher from Dong Nai province agrees. Switching off her television set after listening to Meghan McCain prattle on about her father, a perplexed Lam asked her husband “What the hell? Megan McCain isn’t Jewish, right? Who made her the arbiter of acceptable discourse within that community? Where does she get off?” Lam added “This makes the My Lai Massacre look like a picnic”.
Amid scenes of chaos in Hanoi following the broadcast of “the View” Veteran Photojournalist Al Rockoff told reporters that the spectacle was the most terrifying he witnessed in his long career. “I have been covering war and revolution in Southeast Asia for 50 years. I was in Phnom Penh when the Khmer Rouge seized power. Never in my life have I witnessed anything as horrifying as Meghan McCain spouting her inanities. The horror…the horror”.