Italian-Americans Must Pray For The Swift Recovery Of Bolsonaro Who Is Recovering From A Botched Surgery To Remove The Colostomy Bag Lodged In His Asshole

Italian-Americans Must Pray For The Swift Recovery Of Bolsonaro Who Is Recovering From A Botched Surgery To Remove The Colostomy Bag Lodged In His Asshole

I am a simple Italian-American Man and as such I do not follow political issues too closely. Alls’ I knows’ is that the dames they got on Fox News have better legs (va-va-voom!) so for all intensive purposes, that’s where I get most of my information. And you know what? Those broads make a lot of sense. Political correctness has gone too far. I am sick and tired of being called a racist just because I don’t want black people dating my daughter and I won’t let the liberal media tell me that makes me a bad person. I am a free thinker. Anyways, the people on Fox News told me I should support this guy named Jair Bolsonaro in Brazil and that he needs our help, so I listened. 

To be frank, I never kept up with what the moulinyan are doing down there. I don’t claim to know anything about Brazil, but from what I heard this Bolsonaro is of Italian heritage (so I already like the guy) and he’s trying to take the country back from the SJWs and fanuchs who ruined it. What’s not to like? A smart Jew named Ben Shapiro on Fox told me that while some gidruls might call him a fascist, he really just wants to help his country. Ben Shapiro hit the nail on the end- is fascism such a bad thing? First of all, Mussolini was a fascist and Mussolini was Italian so he can’t be bad. Second of all, Fascism started in Italy so it’s obviously up there as one the great things invented by Italians. I gotta’ hand it to Shapiro. He’s really smart and I would like to meet him one day even though when I was growing up in the old neighborhood, I probably would have beaten the shit out of him.

Our paesan Bolsonaro has the snowflakes crying. Some people are even calling him the Trump of the Tropics and it’s clear that he has a lot of respect for America, promising us a military base and saluting our flag. The Italian Stallion also has a lot of respect for the Donald and like any self-respecting patriot kneels down and kisses the ring of the capo di tutti capi. If he’s anything like the Trump Brazilians can expect nothing less than deal maker in chief who will brutally reform pensions and make them win so much they will get tired of winning. I got two words for you human rights activists “You’re fired”.

Bolsonaro is the only one with the fuckin’ stuggots to take on the criminals running amok in Brazil. “A soldier afraid of dying is a coward” he says. That’s fuckin’ badass like something someone would say in a movie! While it looks like his son has connections to organized crime, we have to stop and acknowledge that this is so freakin’ cool. Vito Corleone, was a fuckin’ badass and was tough, but fair. Joe Pesci meant business in every movie he was in. While some doubt that a figure involved in the mafia can effectively fight crime, I have two words for you: Donnie Brasco.

But Bolsonaro needs our help. During the campaign a few months ago some low-down, no good, fuckin’ disgraziat stabbed him in the asshole with a dull knife. While this goombah lived to fight another day, he had to have a colostomy bag installed inside his asshole to live. For the last few months the shit has been accumulating. Several days ago, doctors at Albert Einstein Hospital in São Paulo, expert surgeons worked round the clock to remove all the shit inside his body, but to no avail. Now, worrying reports have come in that the shit is oozing out of every pore of his body and may contribute to organ failure. Therefore, together as patriotic, hard-working, Italian-Americans we must pray for Bolsonaro and his family and pray that he will not drown in his own shit.

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