Trump Overcomes Pre-State Of The Union Anxiety By Imagining Ivanka Naked

Trump Overcomes Pre-State Of The Union Anxiety By Imagining Ivanka Naked

Facing what could be a make or break speech before the floor of Congress, senior White House aides close to the President have reported that the president is imagining his daughter naked. Coming on the heels of a humiliating defeat following the five-week government shutdown and with ongoing reports that Special Counsel Robert Mueller could be wrapping up his investigation, President Trump turned to advisers for suggestions on how to overcome pre-speech jitters, sources say.  Brent Williamson, an assistant close to the chief executive told American Carnage

“When the president asked me for suggestions on how to overcome stage-fright I offered him the tried and true tip of imagining the audience naked. At this point Mr. Trump stated that Ivanka would also be in the audience and asked me if imagining Ivanka naked would also calm his nerves. I reiterated that the idea of imagining the audience naked is a power-move. When you think of the audience naked it’s easier to feel more confident and in control, but by this point the president was fixated on Ivanka and began repeating her name to himself with his eyes closed for several minutes. Needless, to say the atmosphere in the briefing room got awkward”

Facing mounting legal challenges and an adversarial congress for the first time, today’s State of the Union will be an important test for the embattled president. Trump administration officials downplayed these concerns, however, with Sarah Huckabee-Sanders claiming that this address would “bring the country together”. “The President is confident that this speech will be a success and there is nothing disgusting about having sexual fantasizing involving your daughter. The people criticizing the president for these fantasies are the truly disgusting ones”.      

Regardless of how the speech is received, the president will still preside over a riven nation. With a mounting unfavorability rating it remains doubtful that Mr. Trump can turn his poll numbers around. Such concerns will no doubt weigh heavily on the president’s mind as he makes his way to Capitol Hill after using the bathroom for about five minutes.  

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