The Thin Blue Line: As A Cop I Bust My Butt To keep Our Country Safe. All I Ask Is For Total Submission In Return
It’s never been harder to be a cop than today. I don’t need to tell you that me and my buddies on the force get a lot of grief from the liberals and social justice warriors who never tire of telling us how to do our jobs. With them it’s always “civil rights” this and “police brutality” that, but the only danger they face on a daily basis is whether or not their latte is too hot. Well I’ve had enough. I’m going to take a stand and come out of the closet as a proud cop. Yes, I’m a cop. I’m a damn good cop. There I said it. And as a cop, as part of that “thin blue line” between civilization and anarchy I think I’m well within my rights to expect respect and total submission in return.
For too long brave, hardworking cops have been subject to hurtful names like “pig” and have endured humiliating jokes about our love for donuts. Are these jokes not today’s equivalent of racial slurs? As Oscar Wilde once asked “Tickle us do we not laugh, prick us do we not bleed?” We do bleed. We bleed, indeed. Whether you are black, white, red, yellow or blue we all bleed red and those of us in blue bleed the most of all. Blue lives matter. So the next time you walk the streets that we keep safe and call me a pig, remember to check your privilege. I’m not asking for too much. I am simply asking that you sheepishly kowtow to my every whim lest you feel the wrath of my nightstick.
It’s stressful being a cop. Every day I put myself in dangerous situations whether it be a late-night call to retrieve a cat from a tree or a routine traffic stop. Cut us some slack. If you saw the kind of stuff we see, you’d be a little antsy too. Wherever I go, whatever I do, I never know if there is a bad guy with a gun who intends to end my life. So, the next time officer friendly pulls you over, please do him the courtesy of remaining calm and quiet, meek and humble, attentive and alert to the confusing and contradictory instructions he will bark at you while pointing his standard issue Beretta 9mm in your face. Maintain eye contact at all times, keep your head down in a gesture of submission and kindly reply “yes, sir. No sir. Sorry, sir. It won’t happen again, sir” and you should be good to go. Afterwards, thank him for the citation and if it’s not to much to ask, offer to shine his shoes or give him a gentle foot rub. We spend most of the day on our feet and offers like this are a customary sign of resect for men in uniform. As it says in our Motto at the NYPD: Courtesy , Professionalism, Respect.