In Stroke Of Genius Trump Retakes The Narrative By Shitting His Pants

In Stroke Of Genius Trump Retakes The Narrative By Shitting His Pants

As the Mueller probe continues to heat up, President Donald Trump is facing increasing scrutiny from the media. Still reeling from historic losses in the 2018 midterm election Trump now must contend with further legal difficulties as longtime fixer and confidant Michael Cohen pleaded guilty for lying to congress. Challenges like these would sink the average president, but 45 is not your average president. As the liberal media continue to suffer from “Trump derangement syndrome,” the president in a brilliant exercise in political maneuvering retook the narrative by shitting his pants.

The gambit is already paying off. This brilliant masterstroke of deflection and triangulation has liberal commentators in full meltdown and distracted from the Russia investigation. After shitting his pants at a rally in Youngstown, Ohio, the usual talking heads were sent into a frenzy while Trump is reaping the benefits. As cable news outlets spent the entire week examining the footage, airing and re-airing the same 6 ½ second clip of the shit running down his leg, the Trump train is enacting their agenda and going on the offensive in a masterclass of statecraft that would make Otto Von Bismarck proud.

The controversy now being dubbed “Shitgate” shows no signs of slowing down and the eggheads on MSNBC are having a field day. Rachel Maddow devoted her entire show to Trump shitting his pants and the implications for American democracy. Stephen Levitsky, author of How Democracies Die has accused Trump of “norm erosion” by shitting his pants. But while liberals run around like Chicken Little screaming that the sky is falling, the White House is onto the next thing after Trump ingeniously shit his pants. While the dishonest media continues to play checkers, the Donald is playing 3-dimensional chess and employing tactics of deception culled from the pages of Niccolò Machiavelli. Trump today denied shitting his pants in a press conference further enraging the self-righteous and sanctimonious snowflakes who only want to see America fail. Diversionary ploys such as these echo the advice of history’s greatest strategists. As Sun Tzu once said

"Where you are strong appear weak. Where you are weak appear strong. The defeated general marches haughtily into battle with 10,000 draught oxen decorated in pieces of red silk, painted dragon-like and pulling heavy wagons laden with munitions and bronze instruments. The victorious general stands cranelike contemplating the moon and shitting his pants. Thus the victorious general will triumph in 10,000 battles while the defeated general will succumb in 10,000 battles.”

Again Trump has outflanked his opponents and will continue to do so through his mastery of realpolitik exhibited by tactics such as shitting his pants. For the moment, the opposition is cowering in its boots, but even if the Witch Hunt persists the American Cromwell has an ace up his sleeve- a fail safe contingency prepared. Assuming Robert Mueller delivers a damning report to congress, high-level sources in the Trump administration have hinted that Trump will cum in his pants to escape impeachment proceedings and cruise toward reelection. Checkmate.

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