Elon Musk Unveils Death Weapon Aboard Spaceship "Moonpussy"

Elon Musk Unveils Death Weapon Aboard Spaceship "Moonpussy"

Seated aboard his SpaceX starcraft in orbit of planet Earth, Elon Musk, the mogul behind Paypal and Tesla fielded questions from reporters in an impromptu press conference, sources say. Reporters, spirited away following an unscheduled launch from his secret jungle base deep below the ruins of an ancient Mayan temple, arrived via space shuttle to witness what Musk referred to as a “special demonstration”.

“No doubt you have realized the splendor of my conception” Musk observed in his characteristic monotone. Rising from his chair Musk continued, “my finely wrought dream reaches its fulfillment”.

Musk’s experiments on rocketry and space flight, paid for out of pocket from his personal largesse, have inspired many who hail the man as a visionary. But while some applaud Musk’s scheme of colonizing Mars, others including some of those held captive aboard, regard the South African born billionaire as a madman. Such tensions were on display as Musk revealed his scheme in the control center of the multi-billion dollar spacecraft codenamed Moonpussy. “Please allow me to address you on my dream for the future”.

“Your dream, whatever kind of nightmare it is, has no future, Musk”.

“You think not? We shall see” Musk sardonically retorted before gesturing to a technician on board.

“Launch globe number two!” Musk said as on looking reporters watched powerless and perturbed. “First a necklace of death descends upon the Earth: 70 globes each releasing its nerve gas over a designated area, each one capable of killing 100 million people. The human race as we know it, will cease to exist”.

“Musk, you’re mad!” a reported interjected

“Am I? Perhaps it is you that is mad to embrace a civilization that has sunk to such levels of depravity! But I am the true visionary, like Prometheus who stole fire from the Gods I offer humanity new light! A blank slate! A fresh start on a new world! Isn’t it beautiful?”

But a large explosion in the docking bay interrupted the tech billionaire. The blast bore a hole through the control center as astronauts armed with laser guns poured through the opening, flooding the control center.

“Red Alert! All men to battle stations! Red Alert! Come on, fight you cowards” Musk screamed while his operatives, overcome with laser fire collapsed one by one to the cold, steal, industrial floor. NASA commandos detonated explosive charges, forcing Musk to flee from the bedlam in the control center, boarding a car on the spacecraft electric monorail transport system as flames engulfed the structure, bringing down the central pylon, killing three men. Speeding through the tunnels, Musk eyed the escape pods. Upon reaching Section C7, Musk stopped the car, making for his escape. But before he could an Astronaut blocked his path. A scuffle ensued, but the weak-bodied Musk did not prevail. The astronaut threw Musk into the airlock, closed the hatch door behind him and pushed the eject button.

“What a space cadet” the astronaut said. 

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