5 Signs your Dog is Cheating on you
1. He runs away from home and comes back smelling of perfume.
Running away from home is an all too common behavior in canines. You have to remember that at the end of the day, dogs are creatures of instinct. When they run away, they could be following a scent or chasing a squirrel. However, if your dog isn’t fixed, he may be looking for a mate and if he comes home with lipstick on his collar or smelling of Chanel no. 5, he may be messing around.
2. He has a second cellphone and keeps burying it in the yard.
Excessive digging is always a red flag in a committed relationship. Chances are he is hiding something. If you see your furry companion burying something in the backyard, he probably has a second cell phone.
3. His grooming habits have changed
If you see your dog paying more attention to his personal hygiene, watch out sister! Normally it should be a chore to give your dog a bath, but lately he’s been fidgeting less when you try to clip his nails. In the last few weeks he’s been well primped and when you take him for a walk, strangers compliment him on his silky coat. These are all “tell tail” signs he’s on the prowl. If you see him licking his genitals for hours at a time, it’s time to confront him.
4. He’s preoccupied with his job
Ever since he got that job as a bomb-sniffing dog at the airport things have changed. While the job pays well and allowed the two of you to put a down payment on your dream house, lately the stresses of the job have taken a toll on your relationship. Sometimes he leaves home on a whim claiming there was an emergency he has to take care of. You’ve noticed him putting more and more hours in, leaving less time for you. While he always talks about “keeping the country safe” you know deep down he’s bullshitting you. Face it girlfriend, he has a mistress.
5. He’s a shitty communicator
Once when I was ironing my dog’s sweaters he wouldn’t stop barking at me. I tried everything to get him to calm down. I gave him a treat, I took him for a walk, I even rubbed his belly, but he would not stop yapping until I finally broke down in tears. We went to counseling, and during one of our sessions it came out that he resented me for not giving him enough attention and hinted that he was seeing someone else.